Reminders To My Future Self
Some thoughts on aging.
Each spring, commencement speakers share the wisdom they gained since their own graduation in the hopes that graduates listening find it useful before setting off into the real world.
This “advice to a younger version of me” essay is a pretty well-worn trope. But as I’ve been navigating the challenges of my parents getting older and speaking with friends in similar situations, I’ve been thinking more about a corollary. Let’s call it, “advice to an older version of me.” It isn’t so much about physical health things like diet and exercise. It’s more about noticing characteristics that I want to either cultivate or avoid as I get older and trying to set behaviors in motion now so that I can recall them later.
Right now, these things come fairly easily. I know that likely won’t always be the case, so I hope that I can plant a seed and be able to pull an “I told you so” on myself when the time comes.
Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
Don’t Be Scared
Each summer I visit my in-laws in Michigan and am amazed at the sheer number of political ads on TV. When you don’t live in a swing state, it can be jarring how inundated people are with this messaging.
Watching these ads, it quickly becomes apparent that—regardless of party—they are primarily designed to stoke fear. That is because the people who watch ads on linear TV skew older. And two characteristics of older people are they vote and they tend to be more afraid.
As we get older, we get weaker. This can make us feel more vulnerable and, in turn, more fearful. But most of that fear is irrational, and tends to arise out of thinking that the exception is the rule.
When I was a kid, my parents would leave our front door unlocked, sometimes even wide open (they avoid turning on the air conditioning unless it’s absolutely necessary). These days, that door is locked most of the time. This isn’t because the neighborhood has changed for the worse (if anything, the opposite is true). My hunch is that it’s because my parents have become more scared that something bad could happen, not because there’s evidence to support that, but because they’d feel powerless if it did.
I’m not saying I need to be driving around with a huge “No Fear” sticker across my rear windshield when I’m 80 (although that might be pretty rad). But I do hope that I can acknowledge when I’m fearful and then put that fear under a microscope to make sure it’s justified instead of just accepting it as a fact of life.
Stay Social
I don’t know if it’s possible to overstate the importance of in-person social interactions as you get older. It doesn’t matter how small the interaction is—saying “hi” to the barista at a coffee shop counts. What’s important is that these opportunities to be out in the world, experiencing events first-hand, and connecting with others go a long way to counteracting the fear that was mentioned above.
As we age, these opportunities aren’t pushed upon us in the same way they are when we’re younger and go to school and work. So it’s important to pull them toward us. Of the coffees and lunches I have people as an individual (vs with members of my family), 95% are initiated by me. Does that make me feel insecure and wonder why more people aren’t reaching out to me to ask me to coffee or lunch? Hell yes. Does that make me any less likely to keep making the first move? Hell no (I hope).
Stay Off Social Media
When people talk about age-gating social media access the comparison is often made to tobacco. Since we know the harmful effects of tobacco use, we legally prevent people from purchasing it until an age when they’ve been deemed responsible enough to make decisions for themselves.
What’s usually left out of this comparison is that tobacco use is still really bad no matter what age you are. The same is true for social media. Older people are just as likely as Zoomers to waste hours endlessly scrolling and having their perceptions of reality and meaningful connection skewed as a result.
I am constantly deleting Instagram from my phone. But when I get really bored and have played all the Sudoku I can, I go right back to reinstalling it. So while I may not be able to fully abstain as I get older, I hope that I can remember to not get fully sucked in, either.
Be Flexible
You don’t have to look far to find a Biohacker Bro podcast about the power of establishing healthy habits. And while I’m all for building a routine around positive behaviors, I also recognize that as we age, our habits, healthy or otherwise, become more calcified. If we get a new dishwasher and the power button moves from the left to the right, it can throw us for a loop.
Sitting here now, it’s hard to picture this ever happening to me. But I’ve seen it become the case for people who probably thought the exact same thing when they were my age. Routines are great. But they can also become ruts. Staying flexible and doing new things—even if there’s no other reason to do it other than its newness—has a lot of value.
Swallow Your Pride
It’s not an accident that pride is one of the seven deadly sins. As we age, certain abilities diminish. That’s a fact. And while we shouldn’t go down without a fight, we have to be realistic about our ability to win that fight on our own. We’re going to need help. And asking for and accepting help can be really hard for people, myself very much included. I want to start asking for help more, even if I don’t really need it. So when I do need it, asking for it won’t feel so strange.
I’d love to hear any other ideas you might have on this topic. I feel like these are conversations I’m having more and more sotto voce and would love to start making them more in the open.
A New Wave
Michael February is easily one of the most stylish surfers out right now. He rides with a casual flow that oozes harmony with the wave. The South African is also one of the few elite Black surfers in a sport that isn’t always accommodating to those deemed “outsiders.” All of which makes for this New York Times OpDoc powerful viewing. —Justin
Plain English with Derek Thompson
I’ve always been a fan of Dkthomp’s “pop econ” content, but only recently did it break into my regular routine. It’s like Freakonomics for the Huberman fans. The most recent episode with Dr. Laurie Santos on happiness is a good one to start.
Related rec: this This American Life episode from 2000(!!) I accidentally ate about 100% more mg of weed than I meant to and listened to this and it blew my high ass away. By the time you read this, I will have listened to it again sober, but will not adjust my rec if it doesn’t hit the same. —Andrew
Everybody.World Trash Collection
I recently relapsed from my nearly 5-year almost-nothing-new (aside from socks and underwear) purchase streak. Among the ways in which I fell off the wagon was a couple of items from this 2024 American Apparel ass brand (respectfully). They describe their trash collection as “World-first 100% Reclaimed Waste Cotton jersey and fleece—no synthetic fibers or microplastics, and no virgin raw materials. Made in fair-wage factories in Los Angeles with an ethical supply chain in North America.”
I copped a pair of sweatshorts (size L) and the “boxier” cropped tee (size L, could size down) and am impressed with the quality. —Andrew